I’m forcing myself to make this brief because it’s late and I need to sleep, but I am absolutely unable to sleep while I have thoughts brewing and the only way to settle my mind is to get them written down. I am, I admit, addicted to this blog. And, I’d like you to know—if you are reading this: I am so happy you are reading this! A few of you have mentioned that you hope it’s ok if you’re reading my blog. Yes! Please! Read! I love it. I’m honored you’d take the time to be here with me.So my thoughts tonight are on humility, and tonight I got a simple glimpse of it. Tomorrow my brother is preaching on this topic at his church, and so tonight, while he and his wife were over for dinner, we had a discussion about what humility is and is not. This was interesting because I had an encounter today that gave me a glimpse of this elusive quality we so desperately need. I had the joy of a coffee date with a new friend of mine, a beautiful, intelligent, well-read, fun girl who I so admire. She is also just finishing up her PhD, after already finishing two Master’s degrees . . . at the age of 26!
So, after coffee, she came over and met my parents and had the most delightful time with my family. Down to earth, easy to talk to, unpretentious and just plain fun—it was a sweet relaxing evening. During dinner, my mom asked her what she was doing at Portland State. She replied, “Oh, I’m finishing up my degree.” Such a simple thing. Such a simple answer. But I looked at her and had to blink for a moment. It occurred to me, here she was finishing up her PhD and she simply said, “Oh, I’m finishing up my degree.” If I’d been in her shoes I would have undoubtedly emphasized, “I’m finishing my PhD” with a proud smile escaping through my lips. In fact, as I recall conversations I’ve had, I know that I’ve responded to similar questions and by telling people I’m working on my Master’s Degree, lest by some tragic misunderstanding they somehow think I was working on some lowly Bachelors. Puh-lease, I swear I make myself nauseated thinking about me.
But really, it was just a small thing—a moment’s encounter, but it gave me a small glimpse into what humility is: The lack of self-regard. My friend was perfectly content having no one laud her or praise her or show admiration for her studies. She was perfect content having my parents think whatever they wanted about her. She had no desire to be thought more of by her academic achievements. And it wasn’t as if it took her any ounce of effort to respond in that manner. I could tell, she just naturally didn’t care about mentioning it.
How I long for that lack of self-regard! And not a fake version of it—not purposely and calculatingly trying to put myself down or not be honest, just a simple heart that is content with people drawing their own conclusions about me and refusing to toot my own horn. I have so far to go in this area! It really makes me physically nauseated when I think of how much I like the praise of others. So tonight, I cannot sleep without expressing this: I’m thankful for my friend and the glimpse of humility that she showed me. God, help us to lose our need for self-lauding, and lose ourselves in You.