A Gated Life?

I walked another loop inside that gate and thought, I don’t want to live this way.

See, it’s just getting far enough away to see daily life from a different perspective.

That’s really the value of a vacation, at least for us.

Often though, isn’t it true, when you’re in the middle of an intense situation, the flood of emotions and feelings about that situation don’t surface until you’re a few steps away. Like calmly walking through an emergency, but then bursting into tears as soon you’re safely away.

I think that’s a bit of how I’ve felt during this time away. 

Nothing bad at all, just wrestling. Truly, I love our life. LOVE. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. The joy and privilege of church-planting and homeschooling and speaking and writing and having many people in our lives — it is a JOY.

But, like anything, there are costs.

And Jesus makes it clear when we sign-up for this following-Him gig that we’re wise to stop and evaluate: Do I really want to do this? Am I willing?

And so, in our journey of faith, we’re faced with this question periodically. We think we’re up for it. We say we’re up for it. And then He throws us a curve ball and says, “Foxes have dens to live in, and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place even to lay his head” (Matt. 8:20).

Ooooh. Yeah, that’s not what I had in mind, Jesus.

And so, it has been with me.

Added opportunities bring added costs.

And we must count them.

Not in a martyr-mentality sort of way. Just an honest sort of way. And so with tears I wrestle. Truly wrestle. And I let honest words flow. Really God, if you’d like to know, I’d like THIS thank you very much, and not THAT.

And so Wednesday morning, when Jeff suggested I go for a walk, I was ready.  We were a week into vacation and I’d had a cold, we’d been traveling, staying in 3 different places, eating random meals, and my body felt terrible. Exercise. I just needed some exercise.  So I walked out the door in Jeff’s sweatpants and huge t-shirt, headed who-knows-where, just happy to be moving and happy to be alone. But as I began to walk it dawned on me, Oh that’s right, this place is gated.

See, the little house we’re renting is in a gated community. Even the walkway is gated. And so there is a crystal-clear pool and no trash on the streets and not a sound to be heard. But outside these gates, on the other side of the street, is a sad, dumpy block of tarped-roofs and tin-can mobile homes and trash-strewn streets and loud traffic and you can’t even walk out there without a key or a code. 

Well I hadn’t brought a key. So I decided just to walk within my little gated community. But the entire loop only took 7 minutes, so around I went. Around and around I briskly walked, and while I was glad for a bit of exercise, I didn’t actually get anywhere. I didn’t see anything new. I didn’t learn anything. I didn’t have to navigate or think or interact with another human being besides one well-manicured lady with a poodle. I was walking in circles for crying out loud. And then I was struck …

I don’t want a gated life.

Really, all the things I’m wrestling with are just choices, simple ones: Do I want the gated, controlled life of comfort and ease, or am I willing to let things get messy? Am I willing to let messy people into my life. REALLY into my life? So that their messes mess with me? Am I willing to walk out there, live out there, beyond the gate, and let the trash and noise and questionable folks come close enough to touch?

Of course I know the answer. I don’t want a gated life. A safe life. A clean, perfect, climate-controlled life. But the wrestling is real, and it must be done.

And so goes this trip. 

I pray for you, as you consider what kind of life you want to lead, that you will wrestle too. The gated life is safer.

I don’t want to live safe. I want to live well.

For the glory of God. I think you probably do too.

{May you wrestle well and LIVE well, outside the gates. Thanks for reading.}