When vacation is over …

Revisiting this again this morning as fall comes upon us and school begins… 

~

The battle this morning was very real.

We were sick over the weekend, so we rested. We skipped runs. We slept in. We let the kids snuggled with us, we kept the phones turned off, nothing pressing urging us on.

We slipped into the quiet morning late, sipped coffee, savored the slow pace.

But now we’re home and as I ponder my upcoming projects it’s clear: This will take discipline.

Not just the book, the church-plant, the upcoming women’s retreats. The life. These kids and home and ministry and homeschooling and life, all of it, good and glorious, but all things worthwhile take work and will I work?

Is it worth it?

Yes, I decide it is. So I set the auto-program on the coffee pot. Set myself up for success. Punch in the numbers: 5:00. Sleep.

But when the beeping sounds my body screams. Sleep! Sleep! Sleep!

Within thirty minutes I’ve won the battle, but the body screams throughout the day. Eat! Eat!When I don’t need to eat. Quit! Quit! When I don’t need to quit. Escape! Escape! When I need to engage.

All the screams come from the same source: Self.

It is the same self that screams for attention, screams to get its way, screams when injured or offended, when slighted or overlooked. And Tozer would say that this same self — the one that screams — is what keeps us out, away from the presence of God.

It is, “the close-woven veil of the self-life which we have never truly acknowledged … it is not too mysterious, this opaque veil, nor is it hard to identify. We have but to look into our own hearts and we shall see it there, sewn and patched and repaired it may be, but there nevertheless, an enemy to our lives and an effective block to our spiritual progress” (Pursuit of God, 44).

Poked?

Now he pierces:

“The self-sins are self-righteousness, self-pity, self-confidence, self-sufficiency, self-admiration, self-love, and a host of others like them … The grosser manifestations of these sins — egotism, exhibitionism, self-promotion — are strangely tolerated in Christian leaders … Promoting self under the guise of promoting Christ is currently so common as to excite little notice … To tell the truth, [self] seems to actually feed upon orthodoxy and is more at home in a Bible conference than in a tavern. Our very state of longing after God may afford it an excellent condition under which to thrive and grow” (45-46).

Anyone still standing?

So what do we do?

“[The veil of Self] … can be removed only in spiritual experience, never by mere instruction. We may as well try to instruct leprosy out of our system. … It is never fun to die. To rip through the dear and tender stuff of which life is made can never be anything but deeply painful. … Let us beware of tinkering with our inner life, hoping ourselves to rend the veil.  God must do everything for us. Our part is to yield and trust. … We must insist upon the work being done” (47).

Our part is to yield and trust. I wonder how often I tinker with my inner life, like an old man passing time in his garage, instead of submitting to the Hand of the master and letting Him tear, cut, sew, mend, heal. Perhaps externally it all looks the same.

But one method accomplishes something and one method does not.

I suppose I’d rather choose the path that brings me close to Him. And if my flesh living means my spirit dying I guess I’d rather let Him tear out that flesh. Like weeds. The truth is I’m not sure what that looks like today.

But it will help me get out of bed, of that I’m sure.

{Where is your self-flesh rearing its ugly head today? How can you yield and trust Christ today, letting Him tear as He pleases for our good? Thanks for reading.}