{I’m so thrilled to have Caila back with us today. So many of you were blessed by her last post. Enjoy more of her story today …}
Hello again to all of you lovely Sacred Mundane readers! Thank you, Kari, for having me back here again.
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I am often asked a very simple question, for which I don’t have much of an answer. It always comes at the point in the conversation when my conversant realizes that I am a stay at home mom whose husband just finished two years of full-time nursing school. There is usually a pause where I can see her (whoever she is) putting two and two together: the cost of living, cost of food, days allotted to my husband for work (only two per week). Eventually the question comes out, cautiously, as if she doesn’t want to offend:
“How on earth were you able to stay home through all of that?”
There’s usually a beat and then I smile. Say, “Honestly I don’t really know.”
But that’s a lie, because I do.
When I agreed to nursing school, I was a young, enthusiastic wife. I have always been the girl who sees the glass as half, nay, all the way full. Nursing school was a challenge that we, along with our small son, Hudson, could easily conquer. God was on our side, wasn’t He? So without fear I stepped into the unknown.
Years passed, nursing school started and my husbands school/work weeks stretched into 60, sometimes 80 hours away from home. I bore two more children which increased our family to five. I don’t know when it happened, but at some point on that long road I realized I was climbing a hill that was far to steep for us to scale on our own. My positive attitude fell to ashes at my feet. It turned out the hard road was actually… hard.
By far the biggest challenge we faced was financial. Diapers don’t just grow on trees. And since we were committed to keeping me home with the kids, we turned our faces up and prayed. Prayed really hard.
The first of our prayers was, Lord, give us work. Each time we prayed, God brought something along. My husband was able to pick up hours over holidays and summer. I landed a freelance writing contract one year, and another was able to supplement our income by selling fabric online.
Our second prayer was, Lord, make us frugal. I reduced our food budget to $300 a month by meal planning and making almost everything from scratch, we cut out all extras such as cable television, gym memberships, eating out, my iPhone. You name a non-necessity and we cut it. (Except for Netflix. Full disclosure.) I’m still growing in this area, but I have learned that God blesses our efforts in stewarding his resources well.
The rest of our prayers usually fell under the category of, Lord, we need a miracle. I’m sure many of you have been in that place before. You’ve worked hard, scrimped and saved and still, it’s not enough. This is where we learned that God rewards those who make His priorities their priority. I can’t deny that we owe a lot of our success to our parents and those who love us. In addition, sometimes God just dropped good gifts in our lap. Like when our neighbors started leaving gallons of milk on our doorstep. It just happened to be when we were low on the food budget. A small thing, but it spoke volumes to me who prayed over every penny.
During those years I had a thousand opportunities to give up hope. I could have fallen in a heap, thrown my hands in the air, shouted at myself for being so naive to tackle such a challenge. But I had a steady man to hold my hand, and I cannot deny there was One who carried me up the long, sacred hill.
Every day, every choice was a step. God doesn’t always lead us in big, radical ways through big, radical things. Sometimes he just leads us through the quiet commitment to serve our families and hold onto hope.
So, the truth is, I do know how I made it through those years. Someone was carrying me, and he can carry you, too.
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Is there a burden too heavy for you today? I encourage you to lay it at Jesus’ feet and turn your eyes to Him. He can carry you up that long, sacred hill. Blessings, dear sister, and thanks so much for reading!
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Caila Murphy is a mother to three, married to the love of her life, who loves to sew and write. She blends these two passions together at Caila-Made, where she shares tutorials and chronicles the ins and outs of this beautiful, crazy life.
17 thoughts on “The Long Sacred Hill {And He who carried me}”
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Thank you Caila…I appreciate your story. I am on a journey up a steep hill to work out a marriage that was devestated by infidelity 6 years ago. I have believed a promise all these years that God would restore our marriage, no, make it better than what it once was. Just yesterday I was overwhelmed with the burden, wondered if God had really promised that at all, and cried myself to sleep last night. Your story today was JUST what I needed to continue this climb. Please pray with me that one day I WILL have that strong man again to hold my hand and that this time, we will be enjoying the breathtaking view from the mountain top, together.
I love love love stories like this, Caila. It’s encouraging and challenging to see the faith of your family and the faithfulness of God.
Love your story Caila! I am so proud and blessed to have you as a cousin! You are a wonderful inspiration to us mothers! Your story came at the perfect time as the children and I are counting the days of another deployment. Thank you!
Thanks for your encouraging email this morning, Caila! It has been fun to follow you and your family’s journey through your time in Southern CA and nursing school. In fact, I read your blog every day and you even inspired me to start sewing! Tim and I miss you guys, and the kids would have so much fun together. Will we be seeing you guys in OR some day soon? Long term perhaps?
My heart breaks for you, for I too am in the same spot, and understand all too well the pain and grief you are going through. I wonder often the same thing, is this really what God promised? Because the circumstances I am in and the decisions that are being made by husband are certainly tearing him apart and creating legal division, something which I have no control or say in.
And then I remember, But God. He can. And I don’t need to know how or why or when (as much as EVERYTHING in me wants to) but I just need to keep trusting and surrendering it all to him. The times that hit me the hardest is when I look into the eyes of my very very young boys, and try to explain when my oldest says, “Mommy God said he’s gonna make you and Daddy live together” how to answer him. I still don’t know how to answer. I still don’t know what to say. It kills me. And so I just pray. Praying for you too today Elle. God knows, and He’s paid the price already.
Sorry, I meant for this to be in response to Elle’s comment. Hope it doesn’t cause confusion!
And Elle, I wanted to say how I much I am in agreement with, and love your comment “Please pray with me that one day I WILL have that strong man again to hold my hand and that this time, we will be enjoying the breathtaking view from the mountain top, together.” I pray the same for you and me as well. And I thank God he’s still given me that hope and vision.
Caila,
As you know, my husband and I have just barely begun our journey to live on less. We are at the beginning and I already feel myself faulting under the weight. Thank you for reminding me to hold every penny up in prayer and to not try to take the journey alone. Oh how I need our Great God to carry me on this journey.
Oh Elle, I have tears in my eyes reading your comment! I will certainly pray with you, and I am so inspired by your faith. I can’t imagine how hard each step of this journey has been for you, but I’m confident that each one of those steps has been precious, sacred in the Lord’s eyes as you have stayed faithful to Him. Thank you so much for sharing! I am truly praying for you right now.
Thank you so much for your encouragement, Jennifer! 🙂
Jenni, I can only imagine what it feels like to be raising all your sweet kiddos with Nate far away! I wish we lived closer and we could live this wonderful craziness together. 🙂 I am praying for you, and counting down the days of this deployment with you! Love you, cousin!
Oh Beth, tears in my eyes as I read your post as well! With so much pain in the world, what would we do without that truth, “But GOD”? Thank you so much for sharing today. I will be praying for you as you raise your sweet boys. I can only imagine the weight of carrying yourself and your boys up such a sacred hill. I hope you feel those Arms secure around you each step of the way. Bless you, sister!
Cassie, sweet friend! I’ve already been so inspired by the steps you’ve taken on this sacred, frugal journey. I can speak from experience, “Better a dinner of herbs where love is, than the fattened ox and hatred with it!” (Prov. 15:17) Love you!
Autumn, my sweet cousin! It’s so good to “see” you here. Thanks so much for your encouraging comment, and I am thrilled that you’ve started to sew. 🙂 I wish we could do it together! Yes, we still dream of moving back to Oregon (Bend, perhaps?) but it will be a few years. We will probably be there on vacation this summer; hopefully we will see you then! Our children NEED to play together. Love you!
Thank you 1000 times. From this breast-feeding/typing Mumma in Australia!
I praise God today for your blog. 🙂
Tania, thank you for your comment! I know what it’s like to be that breastfeeding/typing Mumma–I applaud you on all your hard work. Bless you and that little lamb. 🙂
Caila, Once again thank you for the encouraging and uplifting reminder and good nudge of faith in the sacred mundane of life. We just learned we are expecting our 2nd little bundle of joy now and where the “nesting” never hit me the 1st round it’s already seemed to peek out and show itself this time. We are already preparing, planning and trying to re-train and learn how to be and live more frugally,get rid of the clutter making room for more laughter and fun in getting to raise them. This will allow me to stay at home and finally be the one raising them.
There is hope in looking up to the One who created us as we tread up the sacred hill.
Thank you,
Sarah
Sarah, congratulations! How wonderful! And thank you, again, for such an encouraging comment. It reminds me that we are never alone as we climb through this life. Thank goodness for friends (near or far) who encourage! I pray you feel well during this pregnancy. Praise God for babies! 🙂