Insecurity Insights

So I’m halfway through Beth Moore’s So Long Insecurity book.  It’s classic Beth Moore–reads quick, a bit long-winded (which is the pot calling the kettle black), but VERY spot on as she calls a spade a spade.  Because I can relate to her a lot, the things she writes about are frighteningly identifiable.  Here are a few things that have jumped out at me:

Identifying Insecurity:

“Do I have a strong desire to make amends whenever I think I’ve done something wrong? Are you kidding me? I have a strong desire to make amends even when I haven’t done something wrong.”  Totally me!  Ugh. How many gazillion times have I been the one in my family trying to make someone happy who I think is upset, apologizing for things that aren’t even wrong!  It’s like I’m saying “I’m sorry I’ve tried so hard to make you happy and you still aren’t. Will you please forgive me?”  Ugh! Ridiculous. Stems from insecurity and a fear of man.

“How often do you have to ask yourself if what you’re feeling is even real?  Or if your desires need to be squashed or pursued? If you’re discerning or just suspicious? If you’re like me it’s more often than you want to admit.”  Guilty as charged.

“Whether she feels inferior or superior, she takes a frequent inventory of her place in the space … Never think for a moment that pride and self-centeredness have no role in insecurity.”  Nailed.  Pretty much thinking about myself a lot.

Our Prominent False Positive:

“Most of us have what I’ll call a prominent false positive: one thing that we think would make us more secure in all things. You want to know how you can pinpoint your own prominent false positive>  The thing you tend to associate most with security.  Think of a person you believe to be secure and determine what earthly thing he or she has that you don’t feel like you possess, at least in matching measure.  That’s liable to be your prominent false positive.”

On the Effect of our Media-driven Culture

[From Psychology Today]: “Women who are surrounded by other attractive women, whether in the flesh, in films, or in photographs, rate themselves less satisfied with their attractiveness–and less desirable as a marriage partner.”  Beth comments: “If we don’t learn to separate entertainment from identity and hyped images from real womanhood, our feminine souls are going to pass straight through the shredder … Learn what you can handle and what you can’t [of media intake].

The yuckiest root of insecurity: PRIDE

“It’s about ego, and we all have one. Let’s face it. Sometimes people and situations make us feel insecure because they nick our pride, plan and simple … No outside force has the power to betray and mislead us the way our own egos do … big egos insist on our being a “the” not just an “a” …  Pride lives on the defensive against anyone and anything that tries to subtract from its self-sustained worth. Confidence, on the other hand, is driven by the God-given identity and the conviction that nothing can take that identity away … Humility is the crucial component of true security. it’s the very thing that calms the savage beast of pride … We will never feel better about ourselves by feeling worse about others.  Superiority can’t give birth to security.”

That last sentence hit me.  Have you ever looked at another woman and just thought, “Gracious, she is stinking perfect.” And so to make yourself feel not quite so low in comparison you try to think of something that she must not do perfectly.  And I’ve heard women do this out loud more times that I can count.  We are deceived into thinking that if we can just find out some bad things about other people, or at least some imperfections, we’ll feel better about ourselves. Wrong.  Security will never come from superiority.  Amen!

Insecurity Toward a Certain Gender.

Lastly, Beth made an interesting point about how we either tend to be insecure primarily with regard to men or women, depending upon what sort of rejection we’ve experienced growing up. I’m sure people can be insecure around both, but she was saying how we tend to be insecure toward one or the other.  Hers, primarily, was men, and it manifests itself, therefore, a lot in her marriage.  This totally struck me because I realized as I was reading this book that I have zero insecurity in my marriage.  At home, I’m absolutely secure.  Jeff has been the most loving, trustworthy, affirming, secure, faithful husband, and has in so many ways transformed my heart.  And, as I looked back over my growing up and school years, and tried to pinpoint moments of rejection that I can still recall with a sting, I can’t remember any of them involving guys–all the moments I can remember being hurtful growing up were all involving other girls.

This very possibly manifests itself in the fact that I’ve always been scared to death of doing women’s ministry (ironic, yes?).  Whereas I associate guys with nothing negative, I realize I still tend to associate women with hurt, rejection, insecurity. Hmmm… interesting.  Seeing that God has now made it clear that He’s called me to minister to women, it makes you wonder if that’s not a specific scheme of the evil one to thwart God’s plans.  Maybe that’s making too much of it, but it’s still interesting to me.  Bottom line? I’m still a little insecure and wary of women … and yes, that includes myself. 🙂

That’s all for now; more later when I’m finished.  The sun is peeking out and Jeff just walked in the door. Thanks for reading.