Yesterday Jeff had the day off, offering us a bit of blessed time for looking back. (*We also had some time for looking at this site and making a few changes…please be patient, it’s a work in progress, just like me!) Looking back usually makes us feel one of two things: gratitude or regret. Usually a bit of both. When I look back at 2011 the overwhelming feeling is gratitude. What a gift 2011 was to us. I could write a hundred posts listing out the gracious gifts God gave us and it still wouldn’t be enough. He has been so good.
But what about regrets? My dear friend’s grandfather spoke these simple words to him, just before he passed from this life to the next:
“Live a life of no regrets.”
And as I look at my dear Aunt Lois and her beautiful almost-96 years, I see an example of a life of no regrets.
And this — living today with the end in mind, makes us consider: Is there anything — habits, choices, relationships — that I might regret one day?
What does the world regret? Here are the top 5 things people regret on their deathbeds:
1. “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
2. “I wish I didn’t work so hard.”
3.” I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”
4. “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”
5. “I wish that I had let myself be happier.”
This could really all be summarized by these four regrets:
1. People-pleasing (fear of man, lack of courage)
2. Refusing to rest (pride)
3. Neglecting relationships
4. Not choosing joy
It’s easy to see how these are the most common regrets. And yet, how often do our (my) New Year’s resolutions and goals really reflect a desire to live a life free from these regrets. For example, running a marathon is awesome but will I really lie on my deathbed and regret that I never ran one? Blogging every day is awesome, but will I really ever regret if I miss a day or two?
So the challenge for us as we cross into a new year is How do I establish daily habits that will help me live a life of no regrets?
How do I live today with the end in mind?
The question for us is this: If you lived the rest or your days exactly the same way you lived today what would be your regrets?
I know mine, and they’re startlingly similar to those above:
1. People-pleasing (lack of courage) in being myself and sharing the love of Christ.
2. Neglecting rest and play.
3. Cluttering my life with too many relationships without investing enough time with the handful that matter most.
4. Not smiling more, not choosing joy each day. Letting little things like a messy house or a funky friendship weigh down my heart.
5. Talking sharply to my children, getting frustrated with them, speaking in a tone that cuts instead of builds.
These are the things I would regret. Oh, friends, I don’t want to have these regrets.
The new year is a gift of grace.
Each new year God gives us a chance, a mini-life, which He lets us do again and again. He gives us a chance to stop, look back, and reflect, so that we won’t be caught off-guard at the end.
From 2011, I only have a few regrets.
- I wish I had made more time to read.
- I wish I had spent less time worrying about what people think of my kids.
- I wish I had spent more time doting on my husband.
- I wish I had prayed more.
11 thoughts on “Looking back.”
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Friend, once again thank you for this. Thank you for a year filled with thought-provoking, real posts that have helped me think and grow. This post is no exception….ugh, a hard one, though.
My 2011 regrets:
*Not spending enough time with God
*Not keeping in touch regularly with friends and family
*Not getting down on the floor with my kids enough – always feeling like there are other things to do
*Not affirming Bob enough
This year will be a busy one, but I will try to:
*Spend time with God each day and learn a Bible verse each month (I’d like it to be more, but I’m trying to be realistic)
*Always call friends and family on their birthdays AND return their phone calls within 3 days
*Get on the floor with my boys EVERY day
*Affirm Bob EVERY day
Thank you, my dear, sweet friend. I am so thankful God has brought us together and look forward to another year of growth and friendship. Thanks for being my live-life friend!
Wow, so good Danielle! Thank you for sharing this on here — this is the good, real, nitty gritty of life. I totally am going to copy you on the resolution about calling people back (guilty here!) and getting on the floor. So good. I will be praying consistently for you (and me) to live 2012 without regrets. Love you!
I regret lacking boldness and wasting time in 2011. I love this question: “If you lived the rest or your days exactly the same way you lived today what would be your regrets?” It has me thinking. Thanks, Kari!
Praise God, Jennifer. I have that same regret–boldness! We need boldness. Acts 13… read it today, be so blessed looking at Peter and how God changed him. Bless you girl!
Regrets 2011:
Not pursuing my art more.
Letting a job and negative people influence me more that my God.
Not reading more fiction.
Not reading the Bible with more of a plan.
Letting a fitness routine fall to the wayside in the wake of anxiety and stress
Not playing more. Not even sure if I know how.
Not writing more.
Vision 2012
Year of peace.
Finding the passion that God has in treasure for me.
Continue to seek counsel for the ongoing healing in my life of faith.
Determine the FEW people and things I want to focus on and DO SO!!
Read more, Pray more, seek Him more in the morning as the Beacon of my day.
When I am sensing the downward spiral of my natural thought life as a wounded broken woman, look up to my Father as the Daughter He calls me.
Start the blog I have planned in my head and dreamed with a few others and have not because of fear. Fear…..well that list is TOOOOO long. Oh, yup, leave that behind:)
Live more boldly, trust more passionately, leave things that are not healthy. Sing to Jesus.
Love this. Thank you dear Debra for sharing. So good! (NOT too long!) :)Amen and amen. And I want to help you make sure you start that blog!! Love you to pieces!
Kari, how do you know just the very words that will speak to my heart? Thank you for this post and for the inspiration and thought-provoking questions you raised. Happy New Year, friend!
Expressed beautifully….by you, Kari, and those dear ones leaving comments
Thank God for friends who speak the truth in love.
Thanks Mom, I love you!
My regrets are
* not sharing my faith extravagantly
* daily Bible reading lapses
* worrying about the future
* neglecting rest and play
My 2012 aspirations are
* to spend more time listening to God, less talking
* more time in praise and thanks!
* trusting God with every area of my life–no holding back
* more family time
* forgiving
* rest, play, balance my days
Wonderful post, Kari. Thank you for the nudge.
Wow, thank you Momma for sharing this!! What an honor. Beautiful aspirations, especially the “more family time” one — love that one! Love you …