“How do you do it all?”
Apparently I wasn’t the only one with this question in my mind. The well-known speaker and author was live, taking questions from women in the audience on spiritual-life. But interestingly, by far the most common question had nothing to do with “spiritual” life at all. It was this, the echo of my own heart:
“How do you do it all? Raise kids, keep house, be a wife, write books, travel, speak?”
I leaned forward in my chair. What would she say? I must admit I was weary myself. While not even in the same realm as this popular speaker, I was in the midst of a full schedule, attempting to write a book, keep up a blog, move households, and be a wife-mom-friend-daughter-neighbor-disciple-ah! Yes, Mrs. Mom-Wife-Author-Blogger-Speaker, pray tell: How do you do it all?”
Can I just be terribly honest? I felt a little disappointed at the answer. She said something about finding that quiet space in her own heart so that she could be still amidst the chaos and hear from God, in order to write.
Not knocking this. I totally agree. Quieting our hearts to hear from God–yes. But perhaps I wasn’t the only one who wanted to know really, no, really, how on earth do you find the minutes in the day to actually, physically do those things?
You know what I mean?
Another honest confession: I actually cried right after that. I really wanted a fellow mom-writer to share how she really does it. Like, um, who is watching your kids while you’re on TV? You know, those kind of questions. Does she have a housekeeper? Does her mom help her? During what time of day does she write? Would you, just for a moment, open up the windows of your house and let me have a peek at the nitty-gritty?
Hence this post. Now please understand: For goodness sake I’m not saying that I’m some big author-speaker-lady. I have a teeny tiny blog and am struggling to string words together into a book. You who know me well are not impressed. But at least five times this past week I’ve heard, “I don’t know how you do it all…” And because whether we’re writers or volunteers or full-time career-women or full-time moms, we’re all attempting to “do it all” in some capacity. So let’s talk about this. Two things:
1. Beware the comparison-trap. Oh, oh friends — aren’t we so tempted to compare? The truth is we’re all doing a lot. Some of us work more, some have special needs children (I think I qualify, Dutch is quite a character!), some of us homeschool, some of us spend hours quietly counseling others, some volunteer at their children’s schools, some knit shawls by the dozen for the sick and needy, some devote much time to housework because we know it blesses our husbands, some make meals to take to others — we’re all “doing it all” in some capacity, it’s just that some things are more visible than others. We’re each simply responsible for the “good works prepared advance that we should in walk in.” (Eph 2:10) Our own specially-prepared works. That’s all we need attempt.
That said, it can be helpful to share the ways we “do all” we’re supposed to in our own life. Practical things. I personally found it hugely helpful when Angela Davis wrote about her laundry routine on FrugalLivingNW (and shared that she pays someone $5/week to run her loads!). So, take it or leave it, tomorrow I’ll share my own personal “do it all” thoughts. Whether you’re trying to blog or volunteer or make time to read your Bible, perhaps this can help.
{And please, consider sharing with us your own helpful “do it all” tips. I’d love to glean wisdom from the nitty-gritty in your life! I’ll see you tomorrow … thanks for reading.}
13 thoughts on “"How do you do it all?" (1)”
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Funny, Kari … I often wonder this about you! 🙂
I love this idea! I was just thinking the other night that I need an organizer to come take a look at my life and tell me how to get it all done! Sometimes I get so overwhelmed I just don’t do anything….ugh!
Ah, Lacey — YOU Miss Photography-professional and homeschool mom of 3! We’ll learn from each other, ok? Love you.
Oops, replied in the wrong spot … Danielle you’re the one who amazes me with all your appointments AND running a business. But I do think this’ll be fun to learn from each other. And yes, a personal organizer sounds awesome!
Ah, yes. I have come to disdain this question. That and the “Supermom” comments. Or “handful” comments too. While meant in good care (most of the time), it can also be a bit demeaning and especially the “supermom” comments can be, can I just say…insulting?! Because not one of us is a “super” mom… we’re all the same in that we are sinful, prone to wander daughters learning about the Grace of a Holy, Loving, Sovereign God. And yes, it looks different for each of us on the path God has placed us. He is refining and doing HIS work in us- many times to our exhaustion! I often think He DOES give us more than we can handle- so that we cannot boast in “our control” or “our organization” or “our method.”
In any event, since I’m off tangent (clearly delaying the “doing” that I should be doing right now) practical things that have helped me “do it all” as of late; the poem “Do Ye The Next Thynge” (taped to the cabinet above my coffee pot which I frequent)- AND accepting help. Even seeking it out. 😉 Eager to hear your thoughts! Miss you, Friend!
I’m eager to hear how you do it ALL, Kari… along with others. I find myself, NOT doing it all… and feeling either really guilty, or like I’m not doing my job as “mom/housekeeper/wife/house manager/personal chauffer/volunteer/mops member/etc./etc./etc.” (all that is wrapped up into the role of stay at home mama) good enough, or even sufficient enough. I, at times, (embarrassed to admit this) find myself feeling really jealous towards other moms when I go to their homes for a playdate (for example) at 10am, and everyone is showered, dressed, the house is impeccable, warm muffins cooling on the counter, breakfast dishes in the dishwasher, and I hear a load of laundry running… I really really want to know “HOW DO THEY DO IT?”. Really… like you said, the “nitty gritty”, real day-to-day stuff, the chores, answering emails, making phonecalls, doing laundry and having the breakfast dishes done???? I love love love your words regarding comparison. That is where I get myself, body, mind & soul in trouble… I feel I’m not good enough, b/c I’m not just like Mrs.____. Or my house doesn’t look just like Mrs. _____. Reminding myself, that each family is unique. And, maybe just maybe there is a “Monica closet” in that impeccable home somewhere. 🙂
I must say, I love love love LOVE Pinterest, but even something that is supposed to be fun, and (it is so.much.fun.) yet I find myself comparing my home (decorating), cooking, etc. to those on Pinterest. Oy Vey…. can you tell I’m eager and excited to hear how other Mom’s who “get it”, do it all????
Thanks for yet, another great post. I’m excited to read tomorrow’s.
I’m looking forward to tomorrow’s post, Kari! Sometimes, truth is, I don’t do it all! Haha, that’s my little secret revealed. Many things are left undone at the end of the day, but I’m getting better every day at getting the most important things done. The other stuff will fit back in when life permits. (And yes, that includes mopping my floors. Oops.)
You’re onto my secret, Caila. HOw do you do it all? You don’t. That’s coming… 🙂 I love you!
Thanks for your honesty, Brooke. I think we have ALL been there (I know I have!) Looking forward to more honest chats — so glad you are here!!
I bet you hear this a lot Jen … in fact, guilty as charged I know I’ve asked you this before. You have a FULL life — and I know you “do it all” by the grace of God. YES, the asking for help one — huge. I’d love to read that poem … will you share? Love you friend!
So this one of my most favorite types of conversations because something in me craves this kind of “girl talk”….as I sit here after 9pm at night yawning and seeing the laundry that awaits me to be folded and the presents needing to be wrapped I sit here wrapped in a blanket eating up every bit of this blog post and all of your comments:) I am this girl….in every way. I compare myself to others based on how “together” they make everything look. I feel “not good enough” in so many ways and I have to be honest….sometimes it’s even in reading your amazing life Kari and how well you accomplish what you set out to do. You’ve been someone I’ve looked up to since the 8th grade and now your accomplishments hit me even harder than ever because I want to be like you when I grow up:) …..I want to be the speaker, writer, mom and wife who sees and learns and takes in every piece of God in the midst of pursuing my dreams and raising my family.
But isn’t this part of the adventure? Learning from each other, gleaning the tricks or wisdom from one another and uplifting each other through encouraging one another in the areas we can. We eaach have strengths and weakness as you’ve mentioned and in these moments or at the playground, the workplace, the place of worship, the grocery store or the dressing room we can all encourage and uplift, teach, explain, help one another.
Having said all of that (Thank you for the soapbox moment…) I am a full time Wife, Mother, 40hr a week employee, Friend, Daughter, etc. and guess what….?….I have a Monica closet:) I can accomplish loads of laundry but only to be that few minutes late getting out of the house or while letting my 10month old cry while I start another load. Sometimes I will have 5 loads on my loveseat waiting for my attention for most the week. So the secrets I do if you call them secrets:) I hide the laundry in my bedroom when we have guests over or fold half of it right before bed and repeat process the next night. I leave my daughter in her highchair a few extra minutes while I accomplish getting dinner in the oven and start another load of laundry at the same time I’m feeding the dogs and telling myself to hold my pee a little longer. When guests come over and say how “cute” my house is I smile and say thank you even though I feel its a bit demeaning because they’re perhaps implying how tiny and small my house is and they have no idea what I’ve just done to accomplish hosting them in the 45 minutes that I’ve been home from work and how angry I made my daughter by making her wait 10 minutes to get down and go make some more messes. Lately guests get dinner later than intended or all of the intended food just doesn’t get made like I had hoped. I’m not perfect and I’m working on becoming more organized and meal planning my weeks of dinners. I think it’s about assessing day by day or moment by moment what is the most important thing right then or what can be accomplished right then? BE in each moment whatever you’re doing and know in those moments of feeling guilty for what is awaiting you that EVERY WOMAN FEELS GUILTY FOR SOMETHING…..and there is always some woman wishing she had what you do or could accomplish all that she think you do. Sorry this was so long:/
Oh Sarah, you’ve won my heart! Of course we can ALL relate. And actually as this exact moment my computer’s down so I can’t work on this later and I’m on Jeff’s and it’s 8am and the kids are needing me for breakfast SOOO … there’s the nitty gritty and I need to sign off and go give them love and attention, but girl let’s keep talking because yes we’ll always have overwhelmed moments but really Christ has victory for us, even in the mundane, yes?! I love you girl … thanks for your honesty and vulnerability … ok off to oatmeal and two little puppy-breath kids!
My secret for housework as a part-time working mom of 16 month old twins and a 9 year old big boy? Do the next right action. I do what is right in front of me and keep on trucking. When we finish breakfast, I put the dishes in the sink and wipe off the highchair trays. I do laundry every day. I know some people are of the “let it pile up” sort, but I prefer to do smaller loads frequently. I don’t like to fold, though, so I do have piles of clean clothes! I also try to go to bed with an empty sink and clean dishes put away. Sometimes I feel like I flit around from task to task, but I usually feel pretty good about my day if I’ve done the next right thing.
I really enjoy reading all the other responses. I love the SM community! XOXO, Emily