Just You and Me

Are you kidding me? I settle down to write this post on how it’s just You and Me, God, and as soon as my finger hit the keys I hear Heidi wake up crying and Dutch wake up coughing. Really?!  Please just a few more minutes, God? Thank you!

Today was one of those days high/low days.  On the one hand, both kids are sick, I’m getting a cold, Dutch has ringworm (ick!), and another unmentionable part of being a woman surprised me out of the blue.  But on the other hand, we had the most rich, amazingly blessed morning of Bible study this morning that all day I feel like I’ve been tucked safely into the gentle hand of the Father.  This morning Joy taught on John 15, abiding in Christ–the secret to all love, the secret to growing, the secret to life and godliness.  This stood out to me:

She was talking about how sometimes we can think of GOd’s love sort of generically, like yes he loves us but he also loves the whole world, so how am I really special?  And she explained how in John 15:9 it says that Jesus loves us in the same way that the Father loves the Son. How does the Father love the Son? In a One-and-Only sort of way.  His ONLY Son, His One and Only Son.  Jesus loves us in a One-and-Only sort of way.  I loved that.

Related to that, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how different my life is now, different from say, when I was in college, or before I was married, or before we had kids.  I wouldn’t change a thing, but it’s just different.  And A few things this weekend, plus this morning’s message made me realize I relate to Jesus less individually now, less intimately, less as a Lover, and more as a Source.

Of course He is both.  Of course He is the Lover of our Souls, and He is the Source of all wisdom, knowledge, love, strength, power.  And I think sometimes I just see myself as a conduit, or see myself as needing to abide in Christ only so that I can have the love and grace and strength to give to my husband, my kids, etc.

Does that make sense? For example, it is a beautiful and glorious gift to be a woman, to be able to bless your husband physically, to be able to bear children physically, to be able to feed your children physically, and yet to tell you the truth, you can begin to feel like the whole reason you even have a body is to provide for the needs of your family.  And, ok sometimes maybe you can feel like an old dirty sock. Worn and useful…but cherished?

Ok maybe sometimes I feel like an old dirty sock. Not because anybody treats me like that–my children and husband are amazing to me. But because I think I’ve slipped into this mindset: “I need to abide and study God’s Word and grow and pray and gain wisdom so that I can love my husband more and so that I can raise my kids better and so that I can be a better friend and so that I can minister to women better.”  And that is valid, but I think the Lover of my Soul is saying, “I want you to abide in me because I love you.  Because you are beautiful.  Because I can’t get enough of you. Because I want to Reveal myself to you.”

Of course I want to grow in my ability to love my husband, to raise my kids, to minister to women, to be a friend–but Oh how I miss just curling up with my Jesus and listening to Him because I just love Him–not to ask Him for advice or plead with Him for strength to raise my kids–to just enjoy His presence and sit in wonder at the beauty of His Word and of His Person.  To marvel in that fact that He loves me–with a One-and-Only kind of love–and that He desires for me to abide first and foremost because He likes to be with me!  That is a miracle!  Like that David Crowder song, It’s just You and me here now. Only You and me here now…

I’m not sure that this all makes sense, but hopefully it does.  First, His. Second, others’.

Until next time,

The Girl He Loves