The Warrior is a Child

Have you ever had to be brave and strong and courageous for an intense period of time, and then when the moment was finally over you just crumbled into a heap of tears?  I remember in Brasil, when Tom Jones and I were leading a team in Rio de Janiero, one of the most dangerous cities in Brasil.  Earlier in the day Tom warded off a guy who was stalking me down the street, and then that night there was a murder shooting right outside our front door. The girls on the team were scared and hysterical, and we had to jump to attention and get everyone calmed down, figure out safety precautions, talk through things with people.  It was intense and it was critical that we carried the team through the emotion of it all. That night, when everyone was asleep and calmed down, I finally crumbled and quietly cried myself to sleep.

I remember during the first Spring Drama, which I wrote about in When God Broke My Heart (right, under Featured), it was several months of incredible intensity. Rehearsals, prayer times, planning, fundraising, planning the alter call after the event.  I remember in one of our church prayer meetings they were laying hands on me and Kristen Wilson, our director, and praying for us, and afterwards one of the elders said God had laid a song on his heart to share with me.  Later he emailed me the words, The Warrior is a Child. They stuck with me ever since.  And when that event was over, having fought and strove and worked and prayed and given, I too lay at home and cried. Over. Done.  Blessed by God’s word but unspeakably overwhelmed with the enormity of it all.

I would hardly consider myself a warrior, but let’s face it–life as a woman called to serve our God with reckless abandon, as well as serve and love our husbands, care for our children, and fulfill the myriad responsibilities that come with womanhood–this life requires us to be warriors.  And the truth of the matter is that we are warriors.  We fool ourselves when we whine and complain and insist that it’s too hard or that we can’t do it.  We can do it because God has called us to. But inside, don’t we all feel like the secret truth is that we’re nothing but scared little girls?

Sunday night I finished my last seminary assignment.  Last.  Four long amazing stressful wonderful miraculous years.  Two children.  Four moves. Living with people, working, serving, balancing.  God’s faithfulness has been so amazing that as I sat in my mentor’s office for the last time last night I wept.  I wept because I’m tired. I wept because I’ve poured my life into this for four years and now i”m done.  I wept because God is so good and has shown Himself so miraculously in my life that it brought me to my knees.  I wept because I feel like God has called me to a warrior life, and the truth is I’m nothing but a child. I’ma little girl. Weak. Scared. Tired. And yet my blessed mentor, in her amazing way, reminded me of the call of a warrior. That we are called to be warriors.  That though it might feel like we can’t hold on one more moment in whatever we’re called to. We can.  We can hold on a little longer. We can do it.  We can be faithful to whatever God has called us to. Even though the warrior is a child.  In fact, because the warrior is a child.

Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
Strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

Unafraid because His armor is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
Never face retreat
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at His feet

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
the warrior is a child

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and look up for a smile
'Cause deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
The Warrior is a Child

Do you ever feel like this?  We are blessed, dear women, to be both warrior and child.  I pray you’re encouraged today to be both.