I am convinced that Heidi has a “blog-sensor”. She was lying here sound asleep. Dutch is asleep. Jeff is gone with church stuff tonight. Silence. Seizing the golden moment, I pull out my laptop, load my blogpage, prep my fingers to type…WAHHHHH. SHe wakes. She cries. She wails. Not the kind you ignore and it subsides. Wailing…
—Now she’s asleep again.
I learned this week that I need help being helped. My precious church family, friends, and parents have me in awe by their amazing generosity and labor of love for us during this crazy season. Next week Heidi will be one month old and I have not cooked a single meal since she was born…and I even have food in my freezer because some days more than one family brought us dinner so some had to be saved for later! Today a friend provided dinner complete with Haagen Daz Cookie Dough ice cream (my favorite!!), sparkling cider (my other favorite!), and fruit for my monkey boy. Another dear person went to Costco to get diapers for me today and came back with not only diapers but a few of those crazy huge coscto cupcakes! I will say, the amazing generosity of people has made is a LOT harder to lose those those pregnancy pounds! Last time I think only 2-3 people ever brought us food…I was skinny as a rail in no time. 🙂
Anyway, all that to say that so many people have been asking “How can I help you?” or offering to come pack boxes or watch Dutch or do whatever. And it has been so hard for me, because I don’t really know how to be helped. It isn’t that I don’t WANT help, but I don’t know how to be helped. Anyone relate? And I think I’m so afraid of being needy, demanding, self-centered, that I push people away who truly want to serve and show their love in practical ways.
In all of this I’ve noticed that people who have been helped know how to help. I guess somehow learning how to be helped helps us learn how to help! (how’s that for confusing?)
So I’m learning. My precious small group leader of my women’s BIble study group even emailed Jeff to find out from him how to help me. They’ve even offered to come over and do my “move out” cleaning so I don’t have to–now THAT is some ministry! So this week I’ve been thinking through and asking God to show me how to be helped. I’m realizing that the fact that God’s got me in a needy season is a beautiful way that He is knitting Jeff and me into our new church family here at Willamette. It’s like we’re so weak and needy that we quit caring about having everything together, and we begin letting ourselves be vulnerable and transparent…and helped. And when that happens, intimacy, deep relationships, connectedness, and true fellowship takes place. And I’m SO excited to use everything I learn about being helped to help others down the road!!
So this week I’m making a list of “ways to be helped”… I’m learning! And, THANK YOU to those of you dear sisters who have blessed my life beyond words these past three and a half weeks. Your love, notes, lasagna, cookies, and presence have blessed my life more than I can ever express. Thanks, guys, for the help.