How Much We Are The Same

There is more than just an ocean between us.

Upon arrival in London, I was quickly reminded how different the English culture is from American culture. Before even leaving the airport I stopped and ordered a coffee and the darling asked, “white or black?”

The drive to the conference brought further reminders of the differences. Driving on different sides of the road, of course, drivers sitting in the passenger seat, plus a million language idiosycracies: Pants refers to underwear (thankfully I packed all skirts so I didn’t have to worry about referring to my pants!), the loo is the bathroom, food is nice if it’s delicious, you ring home instead of call home — nothing huge but just enough to keep me having to really concentrate during conversations. Put the accent on top of all that and I was sweating through every conversation.

So I’ll confess, the first few days here I just struggled to connect. Everyone was so gracious, open, welcome, humble, and completely receptive. They were inspiring and kind, but we just seemed SO different. It’s been five years since I traveled to a foreign country, and I just forgot how very different we all are! On top of all that, everyone at this conference is single, and we are, quite obviously, not. How often I just naturally talk and share about my kids, family life, marriage, Jeff.  Oh Lord, guard my tongue and keep me from saying something stupid!  Help me not to be offensive but help me to connect with these dear people.  I can hardly understand what they are saying — help me!

As the weekend progressed the Atlantic ocean seemed smaller and the space between us not quite so vast.  A few points of similarity I noticed that we, we all, do share:

• We’re all waiting. Singles are not the only ones waiting. As Dr. Seuss says,

Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

And truly, we are all waiting for something in the natural realm. But even more so, we are all learning to wait on the LORD. Waiting on the Lord is one of the most integral parts of the Christian life, so Psalm 27:13-14 applies to us all:

“Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!”

• We all battle fear and insecurity. I heard many women share their fears and insecurity about singleness. But I have heard many married women share precisely the same fears and insecurities, just manifest in different ways. We all need to be delivered from fear and set free to walk in confidence.

• We all experience disappointment and heartache. We talked about disappointment and expectancy without expectation. We can all relate. Expectation has no gender or status preference. Anyone who has fear can be gripped by expectation.

• We all, at times, feel un-chosen or un-loved. This was another common theme. Feeling unchosen. How gracious is our God that “He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him. (Eph 1:4).”  Every testimony we heard included evidence that God chooses His people and searches them out. We are chosen and loved by God.

• We all face tremendous demands on our time. Moms are not the only ones who are strapped for time. We all are. We all face time crunches and busy days and hectic schedules. We all have the same need for rest. We all need boundaries.  We all need to learn to embrace slowness in order to see, really see.

• We all live in a dark place. Yes, the UK is a dark place, spiritually. But we all live in a dark place because we all live in a corrupt and fallen world that is held captive under the sway of the evil one, “the prince of the power of the air”. But God (Eph 2:4). But God is not limited or defeated by darkness of any kind. It has been spiritually refreshing to be here. Lights shine beautifully bright.

• We all receive the same measure of grace: More than enough. Isn’t this wonderful news!  It was common for some of the singles to feel that those who were married had some special grace or favor from the Lord. But John 1:16 tells us,

“And from His fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.”

We have all received His grace. From our married-ness? No, from His fullness. We are empty, He is full, and He has poured out grace, more than enough, into our lives.

All of us.

I am filled with respect and admiration for the single men and women who daily embrace this challenging call and glorify God during this season of their life. I doubly respect and admire them for bravely attending this conference!  It was obvious that this was a group of deep, quality, deeply devoted saints of God. We were humbled and blessed by their love and lives.

And reminded afresh how much we are the same.