Disappointment: When the road is long

Last week a friend called. “I’m weary,” were her words.

And with good reason. She is in a long trial. Not a life-threatening one like Shawna, but a long one nonetheless. A situation filled with disappointment, ambiguity, uncertainty, and most of all–length of time.

I’d like to take a few weeks and talk about disappointment. Not because I love the topic, but because God is reminding me afresh that how we engage with the inevitable disappointments in our lives with determine whether we live a life experiencing the fullness and abundance of fulfillment, or whether we live a life characterized by defeat, pessimism, and cynicism.

I’m specifying disappointment as opposed to suffering because while suffering is real, on a daily basis we are more likely to deal with disappointment than true suffering.

We’re going to face disappointment, and face it often, so we better figure out what to do with it. Amen?

As we begin our discussion, I’d like to point out three specific types of disappointment that can be especially difficult, as seen in the  life of Hannah in 1 Samuel 1. The first?

1. Those which simply last a long time.

I’ve shared before that for a season of 50 months, God had Jeff and I in a season of disappointment. It was like He just had a hundred creative ways to show us what disappointment felt like. We had a lot of chance to study it because were starting straight at it all the time! Thankfully, we never faced a life-threatening disease or any of those kind of devastations, but it was a steady stream of disappointment. Again and again and again.

Have you ever been there?

Hannah was there. Hannah was married to Elkanah, who also had a second wife Peninah. Peninah had children, and Hannah had none. Sadly, in that patriarchal society, women were only valued for their ability to produce offspring–namely, sons. Even today in the middle east, a woman’s value can be simply reduced down to the number of sons that she has. You know what that makes Hannah? A zero. Without sons, Hannah is a zero. But that’s not all of her disappointment.  So not only does Hannah have to suffer through having her husband married to another woman who bears sons while Hannah is barren, but this other woman torments her and provokes her because of her inability to bear children. Consider how this would have been a disappointment every single month. Some of you have gone through the struggle of infertility and know exactly how the cycle of disappointment feels. Every single month, hoping for conception, then getting disappointed again. Every single month. For how long?

“So it went on year by year.” (1 Sam 1:7)

Years.

A long bout with disappointment isn’t just about one bum deal. It’s that the days turn into weeks turn into months turn into years and the string of disappointments wear down our souls.  John Piper says that

perhaps the most trying circumstances are simply those that last a long time.  A quick and painful blow can often be endured, while the gnawing ache of disappointment wears us down to the core.

Have you ever been there?  Even a small disappointment, when dealt over and over and over, can wear down your soul until it’s raw. A spouse always responding sarcastically, a relative always pushing a certain button, a vicious cycle of getting your hopes up and having them dashes yet again. Even the teeny hope/disappointment cycle of trying to sell our house has had me feeling raw at times.

No matter how small the disappointment, it can add up when you give it long enough.

If you find yourself relating to this, I have great news. God can transform our disappointment. His greater purpose for us is not disappointment, but fulfillment. Will you stick with me the next few weeks as we journey along this road, I believe God has some wonderful nuggets in store. In the meantime, His words:

The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
²⁹ He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
³¹ but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint. Is. 40:28-31

Need prayer? Shoot me a line. Thanks, as always, for reading.