The Disappointment Cycle

Take heart, dear friends, we’re almost done with disappointment!

Remember we said that although God purposefully and strategically disappoints us, His ultimate purpose is that we would not live a life of disappointment. Right?  His purpose is to build our faith so that we will not live in fear. Why?

Because fear keeps us bound on the disappointment cycle. It looks like this:

FEAR –> EXPECTATION –> DISAPPOINTMENT –> FEAR …

Here’s how fear spins the cycle: When we are afraid of a situation, it’s because we cannot see the future. We don’t know what is ahead, we only know the pain we experienced before. So, in order to survive (self-protection) and overcome our fear, we create a picture in our minds of what we want the future situation to be. This make sense? The future is dark, we’re scared, so we paint a good picture in our minds of what a pleasant outcome would be (Or, we’re cynical and in a different method of self-protection we envision a negative picture — either one is a form of self-protection and expectation because of fear). That way we can look at that picture in our minds, instead of the blackness of unknown looming ahead, and we can feel some sense of peace or control.

It’s a survival tactic.

So, we’re walking along with this picture in our minds and then boom, life happens and it’s not what our picture showed. The reality is much different from our picture, and our expectations are thwarted. So then we’re: disappointed.

Which then makes us even more fearful.

When the expectations aren’t realized, we’re disappointed, but we try to ignore it, and just anesthetize ourselves by setting up another idea of expectation to hope in, and when that doesn’t happen we do it again and again and again, until our life is just one vicious cycle of thwarted expectations.

So half the battle is identifying our expectations: What was the picture I had in my mind which was not realized? That’s the best place to start.  But after we identify our expectations, we need to go through and ask, what fear is causing me to set up these expectations?

A few examples:

• Disappointed in a relationship during my single years because of thwarted expectations: My fear was being unloved and alone.  I was afraid that I would never truly be loved.  This was probably the most intense and paralyzing fear, and it’s VERY common in women.

• Going to San Jose I had expectations of ministry.  I had a fear of failure. I was so scared that we would take this step of faith, leave everything, and then not be able to cut it.  I didn’t want to be someone who took a leap of faith and left, went out, and then came home with my tail between my legs, realizing I couldn’t make it out there on my own.  I was afraid of failure.

• Living with Mom and Dad: I was afraid that no one actually wanted to hire us.  Again, fear of failure. This fear paralyzed me, and kept me insisting upon my expectations, rather than relinquishing them and trusting God. I was also afraid that our marriage would suffer.  All sorts of fears swarmed my mind and heart.

It’s not always easy to identify fears, especially when we’re in the middle of it it’s always hard to see.  But if we stop and quiet ourselves, search our hearts and ask God, Please show me my fear that is driving me away from your presence and driving me to set up these false expectations.

He wants to deliver us from fear. He will show us that ugly fear so we can kiss it goodbye.

It is always fear that causes us to set up the expectation. And God will disappoint that expectation because He cannot bless something that stems from fear. He loves us too much to let us live a life of fearful expectation.  That is not His best. That is not fulfillment. That is not faith. Without FAITH it is impossible to please God. He loves us too much to let us go with that cycle. Next week the good news comes! We’ll look at beautiful, faith-filled expectancy, and the glorious outcome: Fulfillment.

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How do you see this cycle playing out in your daily life? Fear–Expectation–Disappointment. What fear is lurking underneath? Let’s ask God to deliver us from fear and fill our hearts with faith. Thank you for reading.

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