When you give up

Sometimes I feel like all I ever write about is plodding. One foot in front of the other. Keep on keeping on. Keep trusting, keep waiting, keep going.

Sometimes I get tired of saying the same thing to myself.

I thought this to myself as I prepped for Bible Study last week. Thought about how listless and lethargic I felt. Thought about how I felt like all the wilted and withered plants out in my yard, the ones all begging for mercy in this stifling heat.

Day after day they turn their faces up, to the sky.

And the sun beats them down, daily, relentless. 

I grabbed my purse and hesitated at the counter. The Heavenly Man, sat there. I’m slowly savoring its incredible story, chewing on each chapter.

Take it with you.

Something nudged me.

No, I pushed the thought aside. I wouldn’t have time to read, I was already running late and would arrive right when everyone else did too. I turned to the door.

Take it with you.

I looked back.  No, I already had my hands full, it was ridiculous to stuff another book in my purse, which already bulged with Bible study materials.

Take it with you.

Fine! I grabbed the book, called Heidi, and got into the car. We were first to arrive, so I sat down in the cool, quiet sanctuary. I couldn’t put my finger on my feeling, but it was just this: In certain areas, I felt ready to just give up. I feel tired of calling my mom and praying every single day and finding her exactly the same each day. I feel tired of watching the scenery never change on the spiritual horizon. I feel tired of this same monotony, the same document open on my computer, mocking me with its unfinished status.

I looked down at the floor where The Heavenly Man lay. I sighed, not sure how the remarkable story of Chinese Christian Yun would have any bearing on my own boring, uneventful existence.

Okay.

I had all of 30 seconds until the ladies would arrive. My eye fell on the page:

In Anhui Province more than two thousand people gathered for a meeting. Four people, who were considered possessed by everyone who knew them, were brought to the front of the meeting while I was speaking. For years nobody has been able to control them. Doctors and specialists had tried to cure them, but they only grew worse.

One of these men was a terrible scourge to the church. He frequently tried to murder the pastor and demanded that the pastor bow down and worship the demons inside him. He was considered dangerous so the police had handcuffed him during his worst spells. The believers had been praying for this man for some time, but he was no better.

When we prayed for these four afflicted people in Jesus’ name, three were instantly set free. The man with the murderous spirit, however, put up a great struggle. We continued to pray fervently for his deliverance until four o’clock in the morning, but he just continued to curse and shout out threats. He especially wanted to kill me. The powers of darkness inside that man taunted me by saying, ‘You say you have power over demons, but you can’t cast me out! This is my home and I’m not going anywhere!’

For hours we used every technique we could think of. We prayed many different kinds of prayers, but nothing worked. Finally, out of sheer frustrated, we all gave up.  We sat down and said, ‘Lord, we can’t do anything.’

Suddenly, while we were all sitting down in defeat, the Spirit of God came upon us and the demon-possessed man started shaking uncontrollably. We jumped to our feet and laid hands on the man. Immediately the demons left him.

We learned a lesson that morning. When we arrive at the end of our own strength it is not defeat, but the start of tapping into God’s boundless resources. It is when we are weak that we are strong in God. (p. 179-180)

And just like that, God’s peace settled. That strange strength that’s actually weakness but moves us forward, on, keeps us encouraged, resting, at peace.

We pray, believe, strive, struggle, and when desperation sets in, we can still rejoice, because God’s boundless resources begin flowing through our exhausted, empty lives. We give up, literally. We GIVE all UP to Him. We lift upturn-turned hands and offer Him our failed attempts, faults and faithlessness.

And He will show Himself strong. 

{Wherever you feel defeat, give UP to Him. Thank you for reading.}