Learning to Love Humility

Right now my list of “things to blog about” is piling so high it’s about to topple over like the stack of clean clothes on the bed right beside me (which I am happy to ignore).  Part of this is due to something I heard at the Beth Moore Simulcast conference this past weekend.  She made the excellent point that some of us are in such a hurry to tell the world the awesome things that God’s teaching us that we spill it out before it has a chance to really settle, really work in us.  She said because of that we simply become liaisons, not listeners or learners.  I took this to heart because of course I LOVE to blog. Love love love it.  But I was also a bit tripped up by this because for me, writing something out is HOW I process it.  It’s like I don’t know exactly how I feel about something until I begin to write and then it all falls into place (at least sometimes).  So I’m torn–I don’t want to be someone who shares things prematurely, like a baby exposed too soon to the light of day. I want to let these thoughts have their proper gestation so they can be fully developed. But I also don’t want to let the moment pass! And for me, if I don’t write about it fairly quickly, that freshness feels like it’s lost. What to do?  Anyway, the past few days I’ve been OVERFLOWING with things I want to write about, but I’ve been sitting tight asking God to show me the balance–when to write, when to sit.  The answer? I don’t know. But the list of things to write is teetering, so I’ll share bits and pieces as time and God allow.

But today was just a fun illustration of one thing Beth shared this past weekend.  As she ended the conference she talked about humility. Now I am obsessed with the topic of humility because it is SO stinkin’ elusive for me.  It’s like a slippery fish I am obsessed with trying to snag with my greasy little fingers, but just when I think perhaps I’ve grown a bit–I realize that it’s pride that’s making me think like that. Oh the cycle!  But she shared a fun translation of Proverbs 25:27, from the Message, which interestingly enough I had just read that very day in my quiet time.  It had stood out to me, partly because I have not been very disciplined about the first half of the Proverb: “It is not smart to stuff yourself with sweets”, which had resulted in too-tight jeans and we all know that is no fun. But the second half was what she shared and I love the wording: “Nor is glory piled on glory good for you.”

Hm.  She shared about how it is actually not good for us to succeed all the time.  Nor is it good for our children to always succeed.  Some failures are healthy. Some humiliation, excellent, because it humbles us, and humility always leads to more intimacy with God.  If we only had success and glory all the time, we wouldn’t have the character God desires.  So she shared a story of how God rebuked/humbled her once and how on the spot she stood there and praised Jesus for His graciousness to her, humbling her.  I was so amazed by that. I HATE being humiliated. But what if we embraced it? What if we saw it as an awesome way to be drawn closer to the Father?  How cool would that be?!

So today, apparently, was my lab for this lesson.  First off, my sweet husband surprised me and wrote a post about me on his blog.  After reading that I was on cloud 9.  If half of what he said was true, then I had reason to feel good!  Secondly, I had been totally inspired by another gal friend of mine who homeschools (who happens to be on my teetering list of things to blog about), and I was thinking about how to make every day into a time of learning for Dutch, using what he’s most interested in to teach him.  So today I’m feeling strong. Dutch and I spend all morning reading Richard Scarry, and I even get him to count to ten (with help) and repeat the alphabet (letter by letter) after me.  In my zeal I even thought of a fun way to start teaching him to memorize Scripture.  I made these little cards–one side had my verse to memorize and the other side had a kid-version for him. So I had Psalm 37:3-4 and he had Psalm 37:3a “Trust in God and do good.” Yeah, I was really going for it.

(By the way, the reason I figured he was ready to memorize Scripture was that he’s started, on occasion, to repeat things we say.  And for whatever bizarre reason last night Jeff was laughing about some stupid line from TommyBoy, where Chris Farley says, “I eat little poops like you for breakfast!” And David Spade goes, “You eat poop for breakfast? Gross!”  And to my horror Dutch goes, “You eat poop for breakfast! Gross!”  Oh dear, I thought. Time to fill his mind with God’s Word before lines from crass movies!)

So after my educational morning, I realize that my $19.95 coupon for an oil change at Meineke expires today, and since my car was due for one, I decide that in the spirit of education, I will take Dutch to Meineke and let him watch the car mechanics (I asked him what he wants to be when he grows up and he said a car-fixer).  I had never been to this Meineke in Lake Oswego, but I mapped it out, headed down Boones Ferry, and as I trying to change lanes and zip through traffic, caught sight of the sign, turned in a back way, and pulled into the parking lot. I was in the back and there were a lot of garage stalls, but I saw a long line of cars pulling in to get their oil changed, so I just joined the line.  A man quickly ran out, “Here for our signature oil change service, ma’am?”  I smiled, said yes, then unloaded the kids and found a place to sit outside where Dutch could be right by where they worked on the cars. it was awesome. He LOVED it.  Both kids sat on my laps like little angels, and I sat there for 30 minutes feeling like a pretty got-it-together Mama.  My hair was even washed!  When it came time to pay, the guy had me come inside and I went to the front, and happily pulled out my coupon and handed it over.

“Um, ma’am this coupon is for Meineke.  You could go next door and use it, but you’re at Jiffy Lube right now.”  I wish he would have laughed about it, because then it would have been fun, but instead he used that “You-are-a-stupid-blond-stay-at-home-mom-idiot voice” and I stood there like a buffoon then tucked my little coupon back into my purse and proceeded to hand over my visa to pay Jiffy Lube’s price.  Classic.  I walked out happy that my son had a fun experience, but a notch lower than I had upon entering.

Then we hit Old Navy.  I’d gotten a t-shirt there when they had the $3 sale, and brought it home to find the color obnoxious so I wanted to exchange it for another color. Sounds simple.  I was feeling ambitious so I carried Heidi on my hip and let Dutch walk by himself.  To make a long story short we had to wait in line three different times, probably at least 30-40 minutes total (totally not worth it for a  $3 tshirt!), and by the time we left Dutch was playing with a little toy tire. I had warned him not to kick it. What did he do? Sat it on the floor, and ever so slightly, kicked it with his foot. So I took the tire and put it back on the shelf. And it must have been just the right moment when all the rebellious, I-need-a-nap energy of the world was in order because he pitched  FIT. He threw himself on the floor, at the feet of the customers behind me, wailing at the top of his lungs.  Finally I picked him up to carry him out to the car, and he screamed like a wild animal and kicked his legs so hard I had to turn him sideways and carry him like a 2×4, all while teetering Heidi on my other hip, looking straight ahead as not to see the horrified stares of the other customers.  Once in the parking lot he started to slide down then wrapped himself around my leg so as I walked I was dragging him along with my leg until we got to the car where he collapsed into a heap of drooling, sobbing tears on the blacktop.  Oh yes, it was priceless.  That was the most costly $3 tshirt I’ve ever bought.

Of course none of this is any different than any other mom goes through in the normal course of life raising steel-willed toddlers.  All is fine now.  I’m still going to try to teach Dutch more every day. We’re still going to try to memorize scripture together.  And everytime I wear my $3 tshirt I will be reminded of the beauty of humility, and of circumstances which bring us down a blessed notch.

The good part is that I’m thankful.  God’s Word says that glory piled on glory isn’t good for me.  Amen to that.  Now let’s see if I can conquer the first half of that proverb, and lay off the sweets a bit…

Thanks for reading!