I’m completely overwhelmed.
Cough, sniff, sneeze. Cough, Sniff, sneeze.
I could easily sleep for a week straight.
They never stop needing.
Mommy, where are you? Mommy, I need you! Mommy, my nose is stuffy. Mommy, can I have a snack?
I see the people around me needing. Needing love. Needing attention. Needing affection.
Not now.
I can’t. I’m utterly depleted, exhausted.
Empty.
And when I look to the things on my plate, Lord, they all seem from You.
I pray, You lead, we do this Life Thing. It’s awesome, most of the time.
But I’m just done.
I’m waving the white flag.
I don’t care if that means admitting defeat, as long as it means I can sleep.
But then, after my spew of frustration, after my hands are thrown in the air, I look up …
And You are there.
Unchanging, never ending, ever-steady, always there.
Your love never fails.
And even this morning, Lord, in the darkness of my room, the day ahead threatens to overtake me.
My failures, weaknesses, shortcomings are ever before me.
Little one is by my side. She needs stuff. My man is gone. My boy is sick, will soon be awake. Today includes many, many, many things.
But You are with me.
Your love never fails.
And I will hope in your unfailing love.
You are gracious. Gentle. Wise. Kind. You slip your hand down in mine and lead me…
One step at a time.
And so You fill my cup. And I sit here, in the darkness …
Smiling.
Actually smiling! Smiling like a goon! Smiling at the future, the day, with tears brim full in my eyes and a song in my heart and hope in my spirit and How do You do that?
You are amazing.
I love You, but that’s not what’s amazing.
It’s amazing that You love me.
Thank you.
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. (Psalm 13:5)
(In case you feel a little Psalm-13ish today. 😉 Thanks for reading.)
Psalm 13
How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
3 Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
4 lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the Lord,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.
7 thoughts on “My Psalm”
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Thank you for this sharing Kari. I have been feeling like this recently too. My 3 year old daughter has been sick a few times this past month, as have I and my husband, it can feel a little relentless can’t it? Thank goodness we have Him to hold us and guide us through times like these.
“And when I look to the things on my plate, Lord, they all seem from You.” I have felt this way lately. 6 little ones, special needs, 4 small jobs outside of my home duties, a home remodel gone to shambles and yet in the clouds of dust I can see His hands. He provides for my every need and is my strength.
Praying for you sweet girl! He is strong when you are weak, feeling that right there with ya’! Hooray for a BIG GOD!!
Yes…thank you Kari
Praying for you, Kari!
As you have to be strong as a mother, let him be strong for you as your Father and continue to lean on Him. Thanking God that you are able to smile through the tiredness and tears. Wintertime is tough on little bodies everyone in my house just got over fevers and snuffles too.
This was beautiful. I don’t care how old our kids become, they–and circumstances– will still be used of the Lord to drive us to our knees (in a good way). And then He is faithful to fill the cup in our outstretched hands. Mine are 12, 11, and 9 so they can be somewhat independent in tending to their own needs, but emotionally? They still need me very much, especially when I have nothing left to give. But you are right. The Lord is faithful and good. He ‘gently leads those with young ones.’