Amazing Grace for Today

Who here has seen the movie Amazing Grace?  Why didn’t anyone tell me to get out there and rent it immediately?!  Wow.  All I can say it Wow. 

Today was a great day because I learned a life lesson—throw efficiency to the wind.  Today Jeff had the privilege of once again teaching Theology in place of Dr. Lockwood.  I was marveling today, realizing what an amazing honor this is.  I had kind of gotten used to the idea because he’s done it quite a few times, so when Jeff left at 6:45 this morning I said I’d pray for him and see him at home later.  But wow, when I really thought about it—what an honor: A student getting to teach a 3-4 hour block of theology at a seminary.  I realized just how blessed I am that I have such a husband, that he is entrusted with that kind of responsibility.  Ok, I’m bragging—I’m just proud of my Jeffrey!

So, this morning as I was out walking with Dutch, it was a beautiful day already, the sun was out, and I was thanking God for the change He’s working in my heart—making me content.  It is truly remarkable – I’ve had more joy in the last two days than in the last two months combined … and that is the grace of God.  So in this Class of Contentment I’ve been asking God to show me ways to rejoice in Him, embrace life, and live in the moment.  As we were walking this morning, I had the wild hair idea of going into Portland and surprising Jeff by showing up at the end of his class and taking him out to lunch.  First major obstacle—we only have one car and Jeff had it.  But my parents were going into town so I thought perhaps they could take me.  Second obstacle—they weren’t going until later in the day.  Well, I thought, I could take the old Jeep Wrangler, even though it’s bouncy and squirly and the soft top makes it so loud to drive.  Fourth obstacle—I didn’t think Dutch’s carseat was here.  But then I discovered that the carseat was here, so while on my last lap on our walk, I battled the Kari that always seems to win out—the efficient Kari.  Efficient Kari was the Fifth and final obstacle.   Efficient Kari always says, “That’s a waste of time and a waste of money.  Stick to efficiency and routine.”  Efficient Kari thought, “We can’t afford to go out to lunch, and we can’t afford to put gas in the Jeep to take it out.”  But all of a sudden a new voice peeped up—the voice of embracing life and living in the moment.  This voice said, “Blessing your husband and making a memory of this glorious day is worth infinitely more than the measly few dollars it costs … pack a picnic lunch, and go for it!”  And, surprising myself, I turned the stroller around, broke into a run (I didn’t have much time) and went back to the house, leaving Dutch with Papa to play in the shop, then took the stairs two at a time and squeezed a shower, quick make-up job, and a picnic lunch packing into 20 minutes.  Thirty minutes later Dutch and I were bouncing along Dickey Prairie Rd. headed for Portland. 

Jeff’s was more than overjoyed—astonished, that I would take my day and drive that crazy Jeep and bring him a picnic lunch.  We walked around campus, enjoyed the sun, and sat in the courtyard and ate hastily made egg salad sandwiches on leftover dinner rolls.  We laughed, took pictures of Dutch, and showed him off to our professors and fellow students.  Jeff probably said at least a dozen times today, “Thank you so much for surprising me today, Sauce.”  I know this is a small thing, but it represents so much more.  In my striving for efficiency, practicality, and stewardship, I’ve perhaps attained a sterile soul.  How I need a little romance!  And that is linked to this quest for contentment (which I’ve already found, amazingly enough, but I want to go deeper!).  What does it mean to embrace the moment?  What does it mean to place people and memories above time-management and money?  Obviously this is a balance; I’m certainly not advocating willy-nilly living (anyone who knows me knows that is not a danger).  But I learned today that being just a little bit crazy, for my husband, for God, for the people I love … and for myself, will enrich life more than a million things crossed off my to-do list.  I enjoyed today. This is my lesson for today.

And, had I not made the trip into Portland to see Jeff, we would not have taken a stroll along campus (“wasting” time!), and we’d not gone into the library, and we’d not have looked through the movies there as Jeff suggested (And I fell back on my old ways saying we didn’t have time to watch movies).  But he won out, and we discovered Amazing Grace, and tonight we watched. 

Wow.  All I could do was watch this movie, engrossed in William Wilberforce’s passionate mission, and wonder, “What am I doing with my life?”  Yes, I know I’m called to serve the Lord and draw others to Him. But how am I doing that?  AM I doing that?  And specifically, how am I, like Wilberforce using the specific talents, privileges, resources, gifts, and influence for this end.  Not everyone is a William Wilberforce, but he was.  Not everyone is Karina Patterson, but I am.  What am I willing to lose my health, sleep, and life over?  How absolutely teeny, tiny, insignificant is my “sacrifice” for the sake of Christ!  But rather than feel bad about that, I can just simply rejoice in my circumstances, evaluate my attitude, serve my family, and seek God with all my heart for His glorious plan for my life.

And, to convince you that this is all related, this even pertains to my introduction—Jeff teaching at Multnomah.  What an honor.  God has given Jeff a mind and a heart and an ability to teach God’s Word.  He’s given me gifts and passions.  God has been so incredibly gracious to give us both the opportunities that He has.  How will I use them?  Not for me.  It’s not about me.  And, above all of this, God is far more interested in what I become than in what I do (Jeff read that out loud to me, sitting here in bed, at the precise moment I was pausing to write the next sentence).  What do You have for me, O God?  And how can I today embrace the life You’ve given me, live in the moment You’ve provided, and follow the path set before me.  These are my thoughts for today.