Disciple is a verb? {15 insights}

{Today I join a great team of bloggers in a Discipleship Series over at Man of Depravity. Enjoy!}

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I was 18 when I first heard “disciple” used as a verb.

It baffled me at first, but I quickly determined to get with the times and find someone to “disciple” me. I picked a godly woman and penned the following letter:

Dear Elisa,

I heard about this cool thing called “discipling.”  Will you “disciple” me?  I’d really appreciate it. Thanks.

Love, Kari.

That was it. I had no idea what I was asking, but this simple letter was my best clueless effort at entering into a life of discipleship. This was before email, so I sealed the short letter in an envelope, dropped it in the mail, and waited.

A week later a fat envelope arrived. She responded by saying that the only way she would “disciple” me (she too used quotations) was if we could be friends. She then proceeded to share, page upon page, her entire testimony. In my mind, she was the most perfect woman I’d ever met. But here on these pages were highs and lows, joys and sorrows, strengths and weaknesses.

Human frailty, complexity, and a crazy belief in amazing grace.

I stared at the letter in disbelief. 

First, she wanted to be my friend?  I, a lowly and unworthy college freshman, riddled with fears and insecurities, befriended by this beautiful, angelic woman? Could this be real? Perhaps I had expected her to send me assignments, Bible verses to memorize, books to read, projects to complete. I had been waiting to see what she would require of me, or what curriculum we might use. Surely there was a program, right? But instead she only asked for my friendship. 

And so began the journey of 15 years (and counting!) of discipleship. 

Perhaps you ask, “Haven’t you graduated by now? Are you still her disciple after all this time?”  People graduate from programs, they don’t graduate from relationships. Relationships change, yes. We’re more peers now, but I still look to her for insight, advice, counsel, prayer. I believe I always will. That’s what discipleship is.

Real discipleship is an intentional relationship for the purpose of growing in Christlikeness.

So, what did she teach me? Here are 15 quick thoughts on discipleship, one for each year of our relationship:

1. To make disciples, my whole life must be an example. In 1 Corinthians 4:15-17 Paul says, “Even though you have ten thousand guardians in Christ, you do not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel. Therefore I urge you to imitate me.”  Later in 1 Corinthians 11:1 he exhorts them, “Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ.” Paul models his whole life after Christ they can model their life after him. Discipleship is not a program, it is a whole-life endeavor.
2. I cannot teach others what I do not know myself. A teacher is primarily a learner.  If I want to teach others, I must identify myself primarily as a learner, one who goes through things, learns, gleans, and then hopefully is able to help others along the way.  More is caught than taught.
3. The most effective discipleship takes place living life together.  Jesus didn’t have little one-hour meetings scheduled with his disciples.  They didn’t go through a workbook. He lived life with them!  He ate with them, drank with them, ministered to others with them, and performed miracles in front of them.  His life was given to these men. This was his method.
4. Life-discipleship requires vulnerability and humility. When we live life with those we disciple, we are opening ourselves to the possibility of pain, criticism, and betrayal.  Jesus knew this better than anyone, and chose to be vulnerable anyway.
5. Choose a few. You can go through a workbook with 15 people at once. You can pump hundreds of people through a video curriculum and pat yourselves on the back for “making disciples.” You can only live life with a few. Maybe one or two at at time. We are wise to follow Jesus’ example and choose a very few to have this special, intimate discipleship relationship with. Pray and ask God for wisdom on who the few should be who you will do life with. Then commit to them.
6. Make God’s Word the core. While living life together is great, every interaction must be soaked with God’s Word if true discipleship is to take place. Read the Word together often. Study it. Pray through it. Obey it. Nothing will happen without it.
7. Pray, pray, pray. It’s so easy to forget prayer. Pray for your disciple daily. Pray together. Model prayer. Encourage the young disciple to communicate with God on her own. Connect her directly to Him, so she’s not dependent on you.
8. Fellowship is spiritual too. Relational discipleship makes space for just hanging out. Often the greatest conversations take place while cooking together, or going for a run, or watching a worthwhile movie.
9. Leave the results to God. Sometimes, you will pour your heart and soul and time and energy into someone, and hewon’t give a lick. Or worse, he’ll turn and reject you. It happened to Jesus. Don’t take too much credit for the success or failure of others. Each person must make his own choices. Leave the results to God.
10. Know when to let go. Although relationships may last a lifetime, seasons change. When a young disciple is flourishing and well-equipped to fly on her own, give her the space to do just that.
11. Avoid making Mini-Me’s. Yes, Paul says, “Imitate me as I imitate Christ,” but we must be drawing people only to Christ and not to our own pet passions or personalities. We are not seeking to make little replicas of ourselves. Just as with parenting, we are seeking to teach, empower, and equip another person to know, follow, and obey Christ in the way they should go. Their path will look different from your own.
12. Beware of jealousy. Sadly, it is possible for us to feel threatened if someone we disciple flourishes spiritually and proves to be wiser, more gifted, or more godly than we are. We must remember that our goal is to lift others higher than ourselves. If we’re ever tempted to keep others below ourselves, repent fast!! The way up is the way down.
13. Beware of loving the love. The truth is that someone you disciple will probably grow to love you. They might even tell you how great you are.  Thank them, praise God, and then forget about it.  Constantly guard your heart against living for the praise of people. As Paul said to his disciples, “Nor did we seek glory from men, either from you or from others” (1 Thess 2:6).
14. People are not projects.   No one likes to be a project.  If you are trying to “fix” people, don’t disciple. If you love telling other people what to do, don’t disciple.  If you love people, you’re on the right track. Don’t just influence people, love them.
15. Disciple–and be discipled by–those who are different from you. The truth is, we don’t learn much from people who are just like us. Purposefully putting ourselves in situations where we are outside our comfort zones enables us to see more of  God, challenging our assumptions and opening our eyes to the multi-faceted beauty of God.

As you may conclude from this list, discipleship isn’t separate from life. All of life is discipleship. Although some relationships have a more intense focus, all of life should and can be an intentional journey of building relationships which edify, encourage, exhort, sharpen, and draw us close to Christ. We can disciple everyone in our lives by simply being intentional and striving constantly toward a more gospel-centered, Christ-adoring, self-sacrificing life of love and devotion to God.

A wise woman once looked me in the eyes and said, “Kari, you pursue Christ full-steam ahead, and others will be caught up in your wake.”

May others be caught up in yours, for the glory of God.

{Thanks for reading.}