What's it like to be married to me? And other dangerous questions…

We just walked in the door.

I have that eye-burning tired, clammy-body feel of spending hours in an airport.

We ate a bag of almonds and some orange juice for dinner.

I’m beat.

But it’s been so good.

A few days away with my man at the Acts 29 Preach the Word conference. A powerful time, together, to sit under the teaching of God’s Word and be equipped and encouraged to communicate His Word.

We walked everywhere, developed a humdinger of a blister, enjoyed Starbucks refills, were randomly picked up in a limo (!), and just soaked up every second of time together. It was two years ago when we last went away just the two of us. Since then we’ve moved twice and started this little itty-bitty thing called church-planting.

Needless to say, it was time for some time away together.

On the way there, I read One Big Thing. A great, quick, read about focusing your life on the One Big Thing God has called you to. That thing that makes you alive. It was challenging and encouraging all at once. It’s worth a read if you’re wondering what on earth you’re here for.

On the way back, I read most of Linda Dillow’s What’s It Like To Be Married To Me?: and other dangerous questions. The Kindle edition is even cheaper than my book (!), so if you’re married, it’s definitely worth a quick read and some healthy, challenging questions.

Here’s why it’s helpful:

Most of the time, I’m just in survival mode. We have house projects, homeschooling, church-planting; we have lots of relationships, we have schedules and chores and laundry and cooking and cleaning and hospitality. We have calendars to synch, plans to make, and honestly, I don’t have time to sit around and contemplate, I wonder what it’s like to be married to me… 

But this book starts there, and gives you some great questions to ask your husband, a starting place for hearing from him. 

I have to admit, although I loved the premise of the book, and I can easily assimilate and digest information, I was hesitant to actually ask Jeff the questions. In fact, if I’d been reading it alone I probably would have skipped that part and just contemplated what I thought he’d say.

Cheating!

But as it was, we were sitting on a plane together, him reading over my shoulder. I couldn’t not ask him when he was sitting right there. So I did. And you know what–the talk we had was incredibly instructive and helpful for us.

Just last week, a friend of mine suggested a similar thing. She shared Lysa TerKeurst’s idea of being a 3 Things Wife. The few of us who were chatting about it asked our husbands, “What 3 things really matter to you, that you would like me to be or do?”

I was sort of surprised at Jeff’s answer.

Here’s what this shows me: We’ll never actually be able to serve, honor, respect, and love our husbands if we haven’t asked them how they’d like us to do just that.

I think I know what my husband wants, but you know what? He can speak for himself.

Surprise!

And the good news is: His expectations are probably a lot simpler than we may think. 

Kari studying

In fact, the way he sees you may be more grace-filled and loving than the way you see yourself. My sweet husband took this picture of me, I had no idea he did, and it helped me understand how he sees me.

With FAR more grace than how I see myself.

Surprisingly enough, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and seeing ourselves from his viewpoint, might even help us see how loved we really are.

And… right now he is standing behind me, waiting for me to finish typing this post since it’s past 10pm and we’re both beat! So I’ll sign off, but let me leave you with this:

What’s it like to be married to me? Give it some thought, then–when you’re brave enough!–ask your man. Then ask:

What three things would you like me to do? 

And, a blanket apology for incoherence and typos. I am so tired. Have a blessed Thursday and I’ll write again soon. Thanks for reading!