6 Minutes To a Better Marriage

Sounds like a pretty lame gimmick, huh?  I’m not into gimmicks but I am always into having a better marriage, and today I received a nugget of wisdom from two couples who between the two of them have enjoyed 84 years of marriage.

One couple was my parents–you already read about my dad’s simple words of wedding wisdom: “Pray together every day.” Today I also had the joy of sitting with Paul Hunter, who is just days from returning to Uganda, Africa for another 6 months.  Sometime I’ll share a whole post on Paul and Pam Hunter and the amazing work they are doing. Paul was been my pastor my whole growing-up years, since I was 4 years old.  He and Pam were my second parents, and their 3 kids my extended siblings. They loved me when I was unlovable, prayed for me all my days, and mentored me and discipled me when I was finally learning to spread my wings in ministry.  And after decades of pastoral ministry here in the states, he and Pam have founded Next Generation Ministries in Uganda, Africa.  For 9 years they have been living in two worlds, spending 6-9 months at a time there, then coming back here to visit, build teams, raise support. They  are amazing.

All that to say I had the joy of seeing Paul and we were talking about marriage and prayer. He and Pam have been married 44 years and he confirmed that prayer–and a sense of humor–are the key to a happy and enduring love.  He told me about a little prayer exercise he’d recently discovered, which was paying dividends already in their relationship.

Six-minute prayer.

Sounds cheesy, but it’s not. You just commit to praying together 6 minutes a day. We all have six minutes! And so often it seems like when couples pray together they don’t know where to start. This makes it easy. You pray in 1 minute increments, taking turns, each 3 times.  It looks like this:

• For 2 minutes (1 each) you pray simply thanking God for the other person and all you appreciate about them.
• For 2 minutes you confess to God any sin you have committed (in word, thought, or action) against the other person, and ask for forgiveness and a fresh start.
• For 2 minutes you pray for the other person, their needs, blessing, growth, welfare.

That’s it. You’re done. Jeff was out of town all week last week, so we’ve only been able to do this together the past four days, but it’s been so awesome! What I love is that it is a way to pray specifically for and with each other. Not just vague ideas, but purposeful prayers specifically for and about your spouse.  Paul said he’s been amazed, after 44 years of marriage, how this simple little 6-minute prayer time has blessed them beyond words. Plus, we’re finding that when we’re “done” with our six minutes we both have lots more things to pray together about, but the six minute thing makes sure that we cover the important stuff first–and if we’re short on time, you can get a lot done in six minutes!

You game? I’ll set the timer, you grab your spouse.  But hold on a second.  Just in case he’s not as excited about it as you.  Remember, girls, you cannot make your husband want to pray. If he’s game for it, awesome. If he’s not, don’t nag him. Don’t roll your eyes or sigh or play the martyr or complain to your girlfriends that he’s not the spiritual leader.  You know what you can do?

3 minute prayer.

YOU pray and thank God for your husband.  Thank Him specifically for all the things you love and appreciate about him.

YOU confess your sin to God, sin that you have committed (in word, thought, or deed) against your husband. Ask Him for a fresh start.

YOU pray for your husband, for his blessing and welfare, for his spiritual growth, for his success and wisdom, humility and joy.

Now this I could do (and did) while Jeff was gone.  This we can do not matter what.

Do you have 6 minutes?  How about 3?

Yes, you do. So do I.

Let’s pray.

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What are some of your favorite helps for praying for or with your spouse?  Please share!