Where you tend a rose …

Where you tend a rose, a thistle cannot grow.

-Frances Hodgson Burnett, Secret Garden

The yard surrounding our 109-year-old house reminds me of the secret garden: each summer I find something new hidden beneath tangles of weeds or overgrown grass.

The first year, in the midst of waist-high weeds I found raspberries, gooseberry, and blueberry bushes (hooray!). A week of back-breaking weeding was worth it–we now enjoy sweetness by the handful. Last year, I discovered dahlias and a stone-border deep beneath layers of dirt and grass along the house.  Long ago, someone must have carefully placed each of those stones and planted the flowers, but over the years neglect crept in and crowded it out. I dug out the dirt and uncovered the stones, clearing out the weeds so the dahlias could live. The first bright-red one just spread wide this week and showed its vibrant face.

Each year my yard-work reminds me: There is already something lovely underneath, I just need to clear away all the ugliness to find that hidden beauty. My kids, my heart, my life, when neglected, become a tangled mess. The heart-weeding of discipline clears out the junk so virtue can thrive.

But this year, I tackled a particularly pitiful space: A (dead) honeysuckle plant withered away on a large (ugly) archway, in front of a stretch of weeds and waist-high concrete where the dryer vent in the basement spits lint onto the dirt beneath. This time, there was nothing lovely to unearth. No rock border. No plants. Just dirt and weeds, lots of weeds.

So, I weeded. Weeded and weeded and weeded, trying to keep that (ugly) space free of weeds.

Then, it dawned on me: The key to this space isn’t to pull, it’s to plant. 

Sometimes my parenting–and living–is lopsided. I discipline. Them and me. Pull those weeds of selfishness and laziness and disobedience. Weed, weed, weed. Pull those weeds. Consequences, consequences, consequences.

Perhaps though, we might have better results, if we weeded less and planted more? 

The Secret Garden lines ran through my mind:

Where you tend a rose, a thistle cannot grow.

Discipline is indeed important, but even more so is training. A wise woman’s words came back to me again. Her six kids all growing up and following Jesus. She’d said it so simply:

“Discipline less, train more.”

Discipline is important, of course. Negative behavior brings negative consequences. But training is preemptive, if we’re diligent to train, much of that discipline doesn’t even need to happen!

Training is planting. Discipline is weeding. So often I feel like I spend my days running around weeding, constantly weeding. Oops there’s another weed!  What if I planned ahead a teeny bit more, and planted. Planted seeds of training in my kids, little by little, every single day.  Although it takes investment, and it’s still back-breaking work, and it still means getting your hands dirty, I’ll tell you:

Planting is a whole lot more fun than weeding. 

Resolved: Weed less, plant more.

{May you plant joy, kindness, and love this week. Thanks for reading.}