Just now I glanced at my email inbox and saw seven GoogleDoc invitations from my children over the last few weeks, and marveled at how opportunities to influence look so different in different seasons, and they’re still so easy to miss…
More than six years ago, I reflected on how we win our children’s hearts through entering in to their imaginative play. That simple truth has come to mind dozens of times since then, and I’m so grateful I sailed toy ships, sat in playhouses, and sipped imaginary tea.
Life is very different now–there is still play, of course, but there’s no more imaginary tea or battleships in the bathtub. Now, that entering in comes in different forms:
Invitation to view. Invitation to comment. Invitation to edit.
These days, my kids spend quite a bit of time on computers, and I’m okay with that. They sit perched at our kitchen counter, and work on their various creative projects. Heidi is writing her second book, Dutch works on his blog, creates battle scenarios, researches various topics, and they both enjoy creating quizzes using Googleforms. Each one reflects their interests and passions, each one reveals a little of his or her heart.
All creative work is ultimately the sharing of oneself.
And it is a gift and privilege, I now see, that they want to share these works with me.
Just as they wanted to share imaginary tea six years ago.
And, just as six years ago, if I’m not mindful it’s easy for me to completely miss this opportunity. Honestly, I have so much to do (hello, toddler!) and I’m so tired (hello, pregnancy!) that it’s a gift that they spend so much time on their various (quiet) creative endeavors. It’s easy to just be glad they’re occupied and tiptoe off for a moment alone.
But then I check my email and I see:
Invitation to view. Invitation to comment. Invitation to edit.
I’ve always wanted to work to win my children’s hearts. I’ve always wanted to work so that when teens years come, they invite me in. The years of controlling are quickly coming to an end. The years of influence are here.
(Parental-control isn’t bad, by the way, during the little years, but always for the purpose of teaching and equipping them to exhibit self-control as they grow. I’m most certainly still in the control stage with Justice!)
And in these years of influence, the invitations are subtle, but still there.
They are inviting us to view: Let’s seize the chance to look into their hearts.
They are inviting us to comment: Let’s wisely comment and critique, without sarcasm or insincerity, but honesty and kindness.
And occasionally, the highest honor, they are inviting us to edit: Let’s sparingly and humbly enforce those habits and attitudes in our homes that will call them to godliness, respect, servanthood, initiative, agency, courage.
Of course not all viewing and commenting and editing comes from their invitation. As long as they are under my roof I still have executive authority to view or comment or edit as necessary. But if ignore those invitations and settle only for crowbarring my input into their lives, I’m doing us all a disservice.
Further, there are many around us (not just our children) who we have the privilege of influencing, yet we are tempted to try to control them by forcefully shoving our viewpoint into their lives. Jesus never did this.
Invitations for influence are all around us, if we will patiently pay attention.
The truth is, I fall hopelessly behind on reading all their documents. They can write way more than I can read in a day during naptime! But I’m still wading in, when I can, saying yes to those invitations to view, comment, and edit, working to keep winning their hearts.
{Thanks for reading.}