A better game-plan than zero expectations

“Don’t have expectations.”

I’ve heard this, and said this, so many times. It’s an easy-answer that’s true but sometimes difficult to put into practice. We hit on it a little bit in the last post–we experience disappointment, or frustration, joylessness to be sure, when we shift from serving others to being served.

Often, when we experience disappointment, we chide ourselves (or are chided by others), “Remember, don’t have expectations.”

And that’s fine, but honestly, when I really seek to put this into practice, I’m like, “Wait a minute. How does one not have ANY expectations?”

I mean, part of having a brain is that we formulate hypotheses, we speculate, we plan, we think through things in the future. This is, I’d argue, a rather healthy part of cognition. When we schedule a trip, or an event, or even make plans for the weekend, there has to be SOME level of expectation. Inasmuch as you are planning, coordinating, thinking ahead, you are naturally creating some level of expectation.

In Sacred Mundane we talk about Expectancy vs. Expectation, and that has been an enormously helpful distinction for me, with regards to trusting God in difficult circumstances.

But just in terms of vacations, events, holidays, even things like birthdays or special days, it seems to be that the simple instruction, “Don’t have expectations” isn’t very helpful. Why?

Because your mind can’t just be a vacuum. You can’t just eliminate expectations and leave blank space rattling around in there. In fact, the more you focus on, “I won’t have expectations, I won’t have expectations, I won’t have expectations” the more you’ll focus on expectations! Or at least the more you’ll focus on self!

A better game-plan? Have big expectations!

Expect to whole-heartedly serve others, at every turn.

Expect to pour out your energy in loving, serving, giving, thanking, and being a blessing to whoever is in front you, for the sake of pleasing your King. Expect, on some level: There will be difficulty during this __[fill in the blank with the day/event/holiday/season___] and I fully expect God to meet my every need as I rely on Him and enable me to love and serve those around me.

As long as I’m focused on eliminating my expectations, or trying not to be disappointed, or trying to not “get my hopes up” or trying to insulate myself from pain, the focus is still on me.

Any way I slice it it’s still me focusing on me.

It’s so much more fun and effective to displace those self-centered expectations. There’s just no room for them when we fill our minds and hearts so full with focused energy to bless others. We aren’t even thinking about our expectations anymore because we aren’t thinking about “OUR” anything!

This may have zero application for you this holiday season. Maybe you, like me, have a genuinely joyful family and you’re just grateful to be together Awesome. But if the holidays do sometimes stir up any level of expectation or disappointment or sting or hurt or whatever, maybe this is a good game plan for you too. Hope it can be helpful. {Happy December. Thank you so much for reading.}